Some stuff that scares me a bit

I've been reading John Eldredge's book Wild at Heart. I started reading this book with even more skepticism than is usual in my overly-skeptical, sometimes-cynical life. But I have to confess that I've been won over for the most part.

One of the thoughts this book has germinated is the concept that a man has a need to be a warrior. And God created us that way. (And if I were you, gentle reader, I'd be a bit skeptical right now. But I won't take the time to try to argue away your skepticism - just get the book yourself and you'll figure out that it does make sense.) And the thought that has stuck with me over the past week or so is that, as Eldredge says, "...a warrior has a vision, he has a transcendence to his life; a cause greater than self-preservation... This isn't just about being willing to die for Christ; it's much more daily than that."

I recently finished reading a book called Brave Men by WWII correspondent Ernie Pyle. It was published shortly after the Normandy invasion, before the end of the European war. It chronicles the author's time attached to various military units from the early North African campaign, through the invasions of Sicily and Italy, up to just after the Battle of the Bulge. He talks about many different aspects of the war, but one of the most compelling chapters is about the front-line infantry units. The troops are uniformly haggard, unsmiling, and exhausted. They have lost all idealistic notions about the war. They no longer fight for the glory of truth, justice, and the American Way. They have seen too much death for that. And yet, despite this jaded, seemingly pessimistic outlook; they consistently, continually perform acts of astounding heroism. Why? They're unable to answer, except to say things like, "It just made me mad that all those other fellows were pinned down and getting picked off," or, "It just seemed like it might get us home quicker," or, "I knew any of these boys would have done the same for me," or, "It had to be done, and I was the one in a position to do it." I wonder what those warriors would have said a few years later if asked the same question. I suspect that the more introspective would have said something to the effect that, "Deep down, I knew it was right, it was proper, it was good. I knew that ultimately what we were doing there was worthwhile."

Back to Eldredge for a quote that hit me center mass:

"For years all my daily energy was spent trying to beat the trials in my life and arrange for a little pleasure. My weeks were wasted away either striving or indulging. I was a mercenary. A mercenary fights for pay, for his own benefit; his life is devoted to himself. 'The quality of a true warrior,' says Bly, 'is that he is in service to a purpose greater than himself; that is, to a transcendent cause.' ...That is the secret of the warrior-heart of Jesus."

That scares me a bit because I believe that God is calling me to step out and take some risks. My nature is to be one of the many soldiers who die with a fully loaded rifle, who never fire a shot, who hunker down and freeze, who play it "safe" until the enemy finds them and takes them out. In my ministry I tend to just do enough to keep the church board, the pastor, and the parents happy, while making sure the students under my ministry have a good enough time to keep coming back. What scares me is that I know God is calling me to more than that. So much of the time I feel like a cowardly hobbit, but God wants me to be Aragorn.

I don't have this all figured out yet. It's occupying much of my prayer and thought right now. I'll let you know when I get there.

In other news, my mom's cookies are this amazing:


And I'm having some tonight.