Musings of a Wannabe Rock Star, One Year Later

This entry won't be particularly deep, entertaining, or funny. Just some stuff I've been thinking about.

This month marks one year since the members of the band Uncommonsense parted ways (amicably), and the only time we've all been together since was for Jonathan's wedding. I wrote about this briefly just after it happened here. From the outside, it was the same story that happens to the vast majority of the bands out there. Band forms, band breaks up. Band replaces personnel. Band plays some gigs. Band breaks up. Band re-forms with a few personnel changes and perhaps a new name. Band finally gels a bit and gets some momentum going. Band breaks up. Band re-forms again. This time it really seems to work, and band buys a van and a trailer full of gear and hits the road. Band plays all over the country, to large crowds occasionally, but more often to tiny crowds in cramped venues. Band records a solid project, footing the bill themselves. Band sees some major label interest, but nothing definite. Band signs to an indie label of dubious parentage. Band tours some more, building a fan base. Then the band comes to that critical point where they either have to quit their day jobs and take a huge gamble on this thing, or do something else. Band decides to go their separate ways.

From the outside, that's what happened to us. We did all the above things. We played in churches, at camps and retreats, at summer music festivals, in coffeehouses, in Kemper Arena once, and even in bars and clubs. (I've prayed with several drunk guys, unsure whether they would remember it the next day.) A very common story. In our case, the uncommon (hee!) part of the story was what was less visible.

One less-visible thing was the bond, musically and personally, that the members of Uncommonsense had. Musically, we were very tight. We made lots of musical mistakes, but we had a feel for each other on stage that is hard to find. We could glance at each other and change the plan on the fly. We listened to each other and played as a band, not as a collection of would-be soloists. Personally, we were real friends. We were accountable to each other. We shared our lives. We fought at times, like brothers do. But we were friends.

The other thing that was less visible was the set of goals the band had. A disclaimer here: we were, of course, trying to make money with this band. Some bands claim that they're not trying to do that. They're either lying or already have a vast store of wealth. Or they only last a month. You have to make enough money to keep going. We made enough, just barely. All of that money went back into keeping the band going - it wasn't a financially profitable venture at all. But making money wasn't the main goal. Chris (the bass player and my best friend) and I felt that we accomplished two very important goals with Uncommonsense.

The first was that we were successful in serving youth pastors across the country. When we decided to call it quits, we got several really nice e-mails from youth pastors saying how much they appreciated what we had done.

The second was that we played until the guys who had no backup plan (Jonathan and Grant and Victor) had a good shot at making it on their own. Jonathan will make (and is making) a living playing the drums - in fact he would probably be doing just that whether or not he had ever been in Uncommonsense. The boy can play. Grant came to the band as a decently good rhythm guitarist, and became an artist and a gifted worship leader (those are two very different things, in case you didn't know that). He's doing well on his own too. Victor can flat out sing. He can do rock, soul, R&B, or whatever. He'll make his living doing music as well. The rest of us had backup plans. Lance (the previous drummer) is a plumber, and plays drums for his church. Chris is a very successful realtor, and leads worship in the same church worship band. I'm a youth minister in El Dorado Springs.

Now here's the kicker and the whole reason for this post: I have to confess that sometimes when I'm playing music with the youth group band here in El Dorado Springs, I'm still a wannabe rock star. It's embarrassing to admit - I'm almost thirty years old and I'm still stuck on that. I know that my current job really does more to contribute to the lives of students than any band does. I'm aware of how fortunate I am to have the privilege of serving at this church. It isn't a perfect church - not by a long shot - but by God's grace we've so far been free of most of the church-splitting conflicts and moral deficits in leadership that have plagued many churches. I love my job. But in some sense there's a part of me that still wants to be a fighter pilot or captain of a frigate in the British Navy in Lord Nelson's day or a Navy Seal or Aragorn. That same part of me still wants to be a rock star.

I know the reason I still want to do/be all those things is that God has "set eternity in our hearts." We're made to yearn for the epic of His making creation right again. And this yearning makes us desire something larger than the humdrum. I think my problem is that sometimes I don't realize the epic nature of the struggle that is cleverly disguised in the humdrum. As one who spends my days ostensibly ministering to and discipling teenagers through the impossibilities of adolescence, I know that God is calling me to take some risks I hesitate to take. It's easy to run a snappy-looking youth ministry program. I've sort of figured out how to get students to show up in decent numbers and have a good time while they're there. I can run a program that looks good to the parents and the church board - solid numbers, "good kids," and the like. But the risks come when I try to lead these students to be more than "good kids," when I try to reach the "bad kids," and when I abandon the easy route of snappy programming for the much more difficult route of dependence on God's leading and focusing on connecting students with people who will pour their lives into those students and ultimately connecting those students with a God who won't be content with leaving them the way they are. I truly believe that doing this takes much more courage than standing on a stage in front of thousands. I also believe it's more difficult. Playing music to entertain a crowd or even to move them to action is difficult, but making a long-term difference in someone's life is excruciating. If someone in the crowd doesn't like what you're doing, there are hundreds or thousands of others in the crowd who are easier to please. Even if the whole crowd boos, there are other crowds. But living in relationship with someone, risking that they will reject that relationship (and perhaps even reject their faith) is a different matter entirely. Ever wonder why so many performers - even Christian performers - have messed-up relationships? Part of it is that the relationship with the crowd is so much easier, and it's tempting to substitute that easier relationship for the harder work of an ongoing personal relationship. I know that my work as a youth minister is ultimately going to make a much bigger difference in the lives of these students than the boys from Pillar or Relient K or Grits or even Fallout Boy or Green Day or the Black Eyed Peas will. (Nothing against those bands - fine musicians all.) I'm a big admirer of Bono from U2. I know it's cliche right now for youth pastors to be Bono fans... I'm still a fan. Bono (and other musicians who have used their various platforms to speak out on issues political or otherwise) has taken a lot of criticism from all points of the political and religious compass for his outspoken stance on gun control, poverty, and other issues. Again, this is so cliche it almost makes me ill to write it, but the reason I admire Bono is that he hasn't backed off from the controversy and he's actually brought about a great amount of cooperation from unlikely partners in trying to solve some of the world's problems. But here's the thing - I have an opportunity to impact the lives of these students in a way that even Bono never can.

So even though in some ways I'm still a wannabe rock star, I'm realizing that the rock star, the fighter pilot, the frigate captain, the mysterious ranger fighting for the realm of which he is heir to the throne - all those aspirations were placed in my heart for a really really good reason. I pray that God will give me the grace to live up to that Reason.

I welcome your thoughts.