I'm sitting in a coffee house in Nevada, MO. The overhead music is the Fort Scott, KS "Oldies" station. This "Oldies" station just played the Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris," a song I remember hearing a DJ say was "the newest from the Goo Goo Dolls" while I was driving my truck to school one morning.
I am stinkin' OLD.
Monday, January 19, 2009
My Grandpa is a Failure at Materialism
Cindy and I are under a curse. A curse? you say. Surely, Jim, you're not getting superstitious, are you?
I'll explain. My mom's family is a gargantuan, many-headed monster. I have seven aunts on this side of the family. When they all get together, I call it the Invasion of the Aunts. When we all get together, with all the uncles, aunts, cousins, cousins-once-removed, and various hangers-on and gate-crashers, there are enough of us to perform Riverdance (if any of us believed in dancing, that is... cough...).
So every year at Christmas, instead of everyone getting something for everyone (which would singlehandedly revive the US economy, if the buying-stuff-is-patriotic crowd is to be believed), we all draw names out of a hat (or box or basket or bedpan or whatever) and just buy one gift for a giant exchange. Everyone fills out a little four-question form saying what we're into and what stores and colors and sports teams we like, and this form is provided to the person who draws the name. And it's a lot of fun every year having everyone open the gifts, and then having a massive gift-wrap fight afterward. Wherein, you ask, lies the curse?
The curse, gentle reader, comes in this form: every year Cindy or I draws the name of one of my grandparents. Now don't get me wrong. My grandparents are wonderful people. Silas and Irene McGehee are two of the finest members of the human race. But they are utter failures at the grasping capitalistic materialism that most of us in America have mastered.
They fill out the little form with the most insipid answers to the questions. "What are your hobbies?" asks the survey.
Grandpa's answer: "Spending time with our wonderful family and friends."
The survey reels in astonishment, but dusts itself off and comes back for another try. "What are your favorite stores?" it asks.
Grandpa responds, "I don't really have any."
The survey, aghast, makes a last-ditch attempt. "Any specific gift requests?"
"That our family be unified and that each one be fully committed to Christ." NOT HELPFUL, GRANDPA.
HOW, I ask you, does one find a Christmas gift for such a man? He does like John Deere tractors and associated memorabilia, but he has literally everything there is to own on that score. EVERYTHING? you ask, skeptically. Yes. Everything.
And Grandma is no better. Now, a clever reader at this point would suggest, "Hey, why not make them something, if they're into stuff that reminds them of their family?" My response to you, clever reader, is that their legion of daughters is much more artistic, crafty, talented, and musical than I am. Everything creative and crafty has already been thought of.
Why can't we just draw the names of some real capitalists? The chances of our drawing their names every year are very small, but as I said, we're cursed.
I'll explain. My mom's family is a gargantuan, many-headed monster. I have seven aunts on this side of the family. When they all get together, I call it the Invasion of the Aunts. When we all get together, with all the uncles, aunts, cousins, cousins-once-removed, and various hangers-on and gate-crashers, there are enough of us to perform Riverdance (if any of us believed in dancing, that is... cough...).
So every year at Christmas, instead of everyone getting something for everyone (which would singlehandedly revive the US economy, if the buying-stuff-is-patriotic crowd is to be believed), we all draw names out of a hat (or box or basket or bedpan or whatever) and just buy one gift for a giant exchange. Everyone fills out a little four-question form saying what we're into and what stores and colors and sports teams we like, and this form is provided to the person who draws the name. And it's a lot of fun every year having everyone open the gifts, and then having a massive gift-wrap fight afterward. Wherein, you ask, lies the curse?
The curse, gentle reader, comes in this form: every year Cindy or I draws the name of one of my grandparents. Now don't get me wrong. My grandparents are wonderful people. Silas and Irene McGehee are two of the finest members of the human race. But they are utter failures at the grasping capitalistic materialism that most of us in America have mastered.
They fill out the little form with the most insipid answers to the questions. "What are your hobbies?" asks the survey.
Grandpa's answer: "Spending time with our wonderful family and friends."
The survey reels in astonishment, but dusts itself off and comes back for another try. "What are your favorite stores?" it asks.
Grandpa responds, "I don't really have any."
The survey, aghast, makes a last-ditch attempt. "Any specific gift requests?"
"That our family be unified and that each one be fully committed to Christ." NOT HELPFUL, GRANDPA.
HOW, I ask you, does one find a Christmas gift for such a man? He does like John Deere tractors and associated memorabilia, but he has literally everything there is to own on that score. EVERYTHING? you ask, skeptically. Yes. Everything.
And Grandma is no better. Now, a clever reader at this point would suggest, "Hey, why not make them something, if they're into stuff that reminds them of their family?" My response to you, clever reader, is that their legion of daughters is much more artistic, crafty, talented, and musical than I am. Everything creative and crafty has already been thought of.
Why can't we just draw the names of some real capitalists? The chances of our drawing their names every year are very small, but as I said, we're cursed.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
A small chuckle
Those guys at woot.com are masters of satire. Here's an excerpt from their live blog of Steve Ballmer's keynote at CES yesterday:
A musical-comedy interlude was provided by Aussie-sounding acoustic trio Tripod, who lifted their shtick from Flight of the Conchords the way Windows has lifted a lot of its shtick from Apple. We give MS points for hiring an act whose name includes the letters "ipod".
Monday, December 08, 2008
A Horrid Forward
One of the most ridiculous e-mail forwards I've seen in some time:
*Three **Bullets*
>
>
> **With God all things are possible*-Matthew ** 19:26 *
>
> There once was a man who had nothing for his family to eat.
> He had an old rifle and three bullets.
> So, he decided that he would go out hunting
> and kill some wild game for dinner.
>
> As he went down the road, he saw a rabbit.
> He shot at the rabbit and missed it.
> The rabbit ran away.
>
> Then he saw a squirrel and fired a shot at the squirrel but
> missed it.
> The squirrel disappeared into a hole in a cottonwood tree.
>
> As he went further, he saw a large wild 'Tom'
> turkey in the tree,
> but he had only one bullet remaining.
>
> A voice spoke to him and said, *
> 'Pray first, aim high, and stay focused.*
>
> However, at the same time, he saw a deer
> which was a better kill.
>
> He brought the gun down and aimed at the deer.
> But, then he saw a rattlesnake between his legs about to
> bite him,
> so he naturally brought the gun down further to shoot the
> rattlesnake.
>
> Still, the voice said again to him, *
> 'I said, 'Pray, Aim high, and Stay focused.'*
>
> So, the man decided to listen to God's voice.
>
> He prayed, then aimed the gun high up in the tree,
> and shot the wild turkey.
>
> The bullet bounced off the turkey and killed the deer.
[huh???]>
> The handle fell off the gun, hit the snake in the head, and
> killed it. [um...]
> And, when the gun had gone off, it knocked him into a pond.
>
> When he stood up to look around,
> he had fish in all his pockets, [Well, of course.]
> a dead deer, and a turkey for his family to eat.
>
> The snake (Satan) was dead simply because
> the man listened to God. *
>
> Moral of the story:* *
>
> Pray first before you do anything,* *
> aim and shoot high in your goals,* *
> and stay focused on God.*
>
I guess I give them credit for resisting the urge to tack on a bunch of guilt-tripping at the end about "If you love Jesus, forward this. If you regularly slaughter babies as satanic sacrifices, delete it." I guess this e-mail was originally written by someone who thought it would be inspiring??? And here's the kicker - apparently there are some people I know who DID.
I can't take this kind of thing before 11 on a Monday.
*Three **Bullets*
>
>
> **With God all things are possible*-Matthew ** 19:26 *
>
> There once was a man who had nothing for his family to eat.
> He had an old rifle and three bullets.
> So, he decided that he would go out hunting
> and kill some wild game for dinner.
>
> As he went down the road, he saw a rabbit.
> He shot at the rabbit and missed it.
> The rabbit ran away.
>
> Then he saw a squirrel and fired a shot at the squirrel but
> missed it.
> The squirrel disappeared into a hole in a cottonwood tree.
>
> As he went further, he saw a large wild 'Tom'
> turkey in the tree,
> but he had only one bullet remaining.
>
> A voice spoke to him and said, *
> 'Pray first, aim high, and stay focused.*
>
> However, at the same time, he saw a deer
> which was a better kill.
>
> He brought the gun down and aimed at the deer.
> But, then he saw a rattlesnake between his legs about to
> bite him,
> so he naturally brought the gun down further to shoot the
> rattlesnake.
>
> Still, the voice said again to him, *
> 'I said, 'Pray, Aim high, and Stay focused.'*
>
> So, the man decided to listen to God's voice.
>
> He prayed, then aimed the gun high up in the tree,
> and shot the wild turkey.
>
> The bullet bounced off the turkey and killed the deer.
[huh???]>
> The handle fell off the gun, hit the snake in the head, and
> killed it. [um...]
> And, when the gun had gone off, it knocked him into a pond.
>
> When he stood up to look around,
> he had fish in all his pockets, [Well, of course.]
> a dead deer, and a turkey for his family to eat.
>
> The snake (Satan) was dead simply because
> the man listened to God. *
>
> Moral of the story:* *
>
> Pray first before you do anything,* *
> aim and shoot high in your goals,* *
> and stay focused on God.*
>
I guess I give them credit for resisting the urge to tack on a bunch of guilt-tripping at the end about "If you love Jesus, forward this. If you regularly slaughter babies as satanic sacrifices, delete it." I guess this e-mail was originally written by someone who thought it would be inspiring??? And here's the kicker - apparently there are some people I know who DID.
I can't take this kind of thing before 11 on a Monday.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Music
So I'm wondering what's new in the music world that's worth a listen. If anyone has input, feel free to contribute.
One of my youth group guys just discovered "Falling Slowly" a song from the indie film Once that won the Oscar for Best Original Song this year. I still haven't found the film, but I would like to. The song is decent, and the premise seems promising. (A promising premise! Eh? Eh?) [update 1/8/09: I got the film on DVD for cheap, and it's pretty great. Lots of f-words, but I think that's because Irish people say f-words just to make sure they're still breathing. Great plot and some very funny moments.]
Ben Folds' newest effort is a fine one, but then whaddya expect? One of my favorites was the collab with Regina Spektor called "You Don't Know Me." It's quirky and fun. Beware the language though...
Speaking of Regina Spektor, the soundtrack from Prince Caspian also contained her song "The Call." She didn't write it, but her performance is meltingly lovely. Her voice is doing some pretty technical stuff and making it sound effortless.
On the strength of those two songs, we got Spektor's latest album Begin to Hope. It's a bit esoteric at times, but her musicianship and songwriting are pretty impressive. That, and she draws on her eclectic heritage as a Russian-born Jewish-American for inspiration. "Apres Moi" is one of my favorites on the album. We got the iTunes version, which includes a few bonus tracks.
One of the surprisingly good albums I've found lately is Chris Rice's newest, What A Heart Is Beating For. Despite the fact some precise personalities might insist that a more correct title would be That For Which A Heart Is Beating, this is a good album. Even more encouragingly, it's getting no radio play on KLOVE that I've heard. "Here Come Those Eyes" is great stuff for romantic occasions, and "Punch Lines and Ironies" has some of that great lyric and melody combination I love about Chris. "So Much For My Sad Song" is a warm tune that Cindy refers to as "anti-emo." I think the world could do with a bit more music of that description.
Not especially new, but still good, is the latest from Sanctus Real, We Need Each Other. This guy's voice is one of the best, and their songwriting is very solid. This is a band that I would hit the road with as a touring keyboardist tomorrow if they called. From the offbeat timing of the opening rocker "Turning on the Lights" to the solid ballad "Lay Down My Guns," this album is in danger of getting over-played on my iTunes playlist.
I could go on ad nauseum, but I'm curious about your input.
One of my youth group guys just discovered "Falling Slowly" a song from the indie film Once that won the Oscar for Best Original Song this year. I still haven't found the film, but I would like to. The song is decent, and the premise seems promising. (A promising premise! Eh? Eh?) [update 1/8/09: I got the film on DVD for cheap, and it's pretty great. Lots of f-words, but I think that's because Irish people say f-words just to make sure they're still breathing. Great plot and some very funny moments.]
Ben Folds' newest effort is a fine one, but then whaddya expect? One of my favorites was the collab with Regina Spektor called "You Don't Know Me." It's quirky and fun. Beware the language though...
Speaking of Regina Spektor, the soundtrack from Prince Caspian also contained her song "The Call." She didn't write it, but her performance is meltingly lovely. Her voice is doing some pretty technical stuff and making it sound effortless.
On the strength of those two songs, we got Spektor's latest album Begin to Hope. It's a bit esoteric at times, but her musicianship and songwriting are pretty impressive. That, and she draws on her eclectic heritage as a Russian-born Jewish-American for inspiration. "Apres Moi" is one of my favorites on the album. We got the iTunes version, which includes a few bonus tracks.
One of the surprisingly good albums I've found lately is Chris Rice's newest, What A Heart Is Beating For. Despite the fact some precise personalities might insist that a more correct title would be That For Which A Heart Is Beating, this is a good album. Even more encouragingly, it's getting no radio play on KLOVE that I've heard. "Here Come Those Eyes" is great stuff for romantic occasions, and "Punch Lines and Ironies" has some of that great lyric and melody combination I love about Chris. "So Much For My Sad Song" is a warm tune that Cindy refers to as "anti-emo." I think the world could do with a bit more music of that description.
Not especially new, but still good, is the latest from Sanctus Real, We Need Each Other. This guy's voice is one of the best, and their songwriting is very solid. This is a band that I would hit the road with as a touring keyboardist tomorrow if they called. From the offbeat timing of the opening rocker "Turning on the Lights" to the solid ballad "Lay Down My Guns," this album is in danger of getting over-played on my iTunes playlist.
I could go on ad nauseum, but I'm curious about your input.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Too Soon...
Today, the day after Halloween, Wal-Mart is playing Christmas music in the overhead speakers. Also, it's the "Jingle Bell Rock" variety, not the classy jazz/orchestral type. I have not the words...
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Funny stuff
This blog entry had me chuckling:
http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2008/05/208-christianizing-your-facebook.html
The rest of this blog is pretty consistently funny as well.
http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2008/05/208-christianizing-your-facebook.html
The rest of this blog is pretty consistently funny as well.
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