This is my re-telling of John 21, for those who have requested it. I left off the intro stuff and the actual scripture (you can read that for yourself here before you begin), as well as my closing remarks.
Breakfast on the Beach
It was just a couple of weeks
after Jesus was crucified. The men who followed Him everywhere, the ones known
as disciples, had their entire world in turmoil. Their leader had been killed, and
they were sure they were next. And then three days later He was back. There was
a wild day of rumors and uncertainties, a mysterious empty tomb, their friend
Mary Magdalene telling them He was alive, and then… they SAW Him. That Sunday
evening. He came into the locked room where they were hiding, without bothering
to open the door.
Then eight days later, on a
Monday night, they were together again. Thomas was the one who still hadn’t
seen Him. He was, I think, understandably reluctant to allow himself to have
too much hope. But then He came again. Again, through locked doors.
But then He went away. Things
were different now, they knew, but they were full of questions and pretty short
of answers. Was He going to start traveling around teaching again? Would
everything be like it was before? He had been with them, spoken with them,
eaten with them, but they had no idea what the Plan was. What were they
supposed to do? The first two times they saw Him, it seems they were still in
Jerusalem, hiding, afraid of the Romans, afraid of the Jewish leaders, afraid
of a thousand things. Then somehow a few days later at least seven of them had
left Jerusalem and walked the ninety or so miles north to Galilee. They were
confused, but hopeful. Scared, but excited. In turmoil, but with a strange
peace. They wondered what was next, but they were stuck in a holding pattern.
They didn’t know what to do.
Finally, one evening, Peter
looked out at the Sea of Galilee, a pretty good-sized lake where the fishing was
good. He turned to the others and said, “I’m going fishing.” James and John were
with him, and they were former professional fishermen as well. Thomas,
Nathanael, and two other disciples were with them. They communicated in the way men often do in slightly awkward situations: they glanced at each
other without really making much eye contact and wordlessly decided they’d all go too. Thomas and Nathanael and the others didn't
know the fishing business as well as Peter and James and John did, but they were
disciples, and they were all bound together now.
They started putting together some
gear, and by the time they were done they decided they’d go out for all night and
see what they could catch. It was most likely late April. The weather would have
been cool that night, maybe in the upper forties or lower fifties. Maybe they shivered a bit in
the night breezes while they pushed the boat out from shore and lifted a sail.
They warmed up a little as they got into the rhythm of the work, casting nets,
pulling them in, casting again. They weren’t finding the fish somehow, but this
was work they knew – casting, pulling, casting, subconsciously watching the
stars for clouds to roll in, feeling the wind and watching the sail for signs
of change in the weather.
Maybe Thomas sat watching,
lending a hand where he could. Feeling a little chilled and sleepy, but
enjoying the slow lift and settle of the boat in the waves. A little ashamed
to be glad that here in the middle of the lake, he didn’t have to look over his
shoulder in fear of being arrested.
A few days before, when Jesus
had appeared for the second time, Thomas wasn’t allowing himself to believe
that Jesus’ resurrection was real. He wanted it to be true so badly, but he had
seen Him die. His heart had been broken. If he believed Jesus was alive, and
then it turned out not to be true, he wondered if that would be enough to crush
him completely. But then, on that Monday evening, hiding in that room in
Jerusalem behind locked doors, suddenly there He was. Jesus. Alive, real.
Coming toward Thomas, showing his scars, inviting Thomas to touch the scars, as
if any of that mattered now. Saying, “Thomas, don’t be faithless any more.
Believe.” Thomas’ eyes filled with tears, his chest tight and his hands shaking.
He wanted to say, “No, Jesus, I’m sorry. I see it’s You. I should have believed
in You if I believed in anyone. I don’t need proof. I know You’re the Son of
God!” But the words weren’t that important any more. He fell to his knees and
his voice was choked, but he managed to say, “My Lord and my God!”
Jesus gently replied, “You
believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who haven’t seen me and
believe anyway.” Thomas was ashamed, but he knew Jesus cared enough for him
that He was willing to let Thomas see the scars. His fears of believing in
something and being disappointed were gone.
Now, tonight, on the lake,
Thomas still had fears. They were all still worried about being arrested by
someone – they weren’t even sure who. Thomas wasn’t sure what was going to
happen in the future, but as he sat there in the boat, he knew one thing for
sure. Jesus was alive. Whatever happened, Thomas would follow Jesus anywhere
and everywhere, forever.
A cold spray of water made him
gasp, and he looked up to see James grinning at him in the moonlight, gathering
up a dripping net for another cast, shaking water at him. John looked over and splashed some water at
James in retaliation. The Sons of Thunder, these brothers had been called.
Every issue had been argued at top volume, and sometimes with fists. But now
they were relaxed, insulting each other’s casting technique, joking that the
only thing they were catching tonight was a cold.
John cast his net again,
the familiar motion letting his mind range freely, remembering. On the worst three days of his life, John had moved in a numbed haze. In a “last will and testament” kind of statement, Jesus told him
from the cross that he was to treat Mary, Jesus’ mother, as his own mother.
“John, this is your mother.” A plea from a dying friend. Over the next three days, it was what kept John
going. Nothing seemed to matter anymore with Jesus dead. But John was
determined not to let Him down. He took Mary with him, hiding with the others.
They were two people with shattered lives, moving through a gray world without hope,
taking care of each other because it was the only thing they could think to do.
Then Sunday morning, there was Mary
Magdalene, running up, shouting, confused, afraid, “His body is gone! I don’t
know where they took Him! Why would they take Him?” John knew something had
changed. He looked at Peter, and they both took off at a run. John didn’t know
what he would find. He had to see. He outran Peter and got there first. He
stopped, his heart pounding and his breath short. He looked in, and there was
the empty burial cloth. The linen that had covered Jesus’ head was neatly
folded and placed to one side. Peter came running up and went inside. John
followed, and suddenly a thousand things came together. Prophecies Jesus had
mentioned about Himself. Details John hadn’t thought about before. A wild hope
came up in his heart. Standing there by a shapeless linen burial wrap, John
knew. Jesus was alive. He and Peter walked back, and John wondered what Peter
was thinking. He wanted to talk it all out, but Peter was wide-eyed and silent.
John knew that Peter was ashamed of himself for what had happened on Friday, so
he said nothing. Then that very night, Jesus was there, and John stood with
tears streaming and his heart shouting a song of praise. Jesus was alive. The
whole world was new and different and nothing would be the same.
John pulled in his net. Nothing.
He wondered absently where the fish were tonight, but he didn’t really care
much. The familiar motion was pleasant, and this cool night was perfect for
hard work.
He looked to the stern of the
boat where Peter had established himself, his stance wide, his expression
almost grim and determined as he cast nets and made small corrections to their
course. He had thrown aside his warm cloak, but he was sweating as he moved in
a steady, tireless rhythm.
No fish yet, Peter thought. But
he knew he wouldn’t stop until dawn at least. His muscles were tiring, but it
felt good. Fishing was something he knew, something he was sure about. The rest
of the world wasn’t so simple. He knew Jesus was
alive. It made him joyful, but at the same time his shame was a cloud
that darkened everything.
That awful night when Jesus had
been arrested, Peter had been fearless at first. When the soldiers came, he
pulled a sword and decided to fight and die for Jesus. He swung at the nearest
target, and when the man ducked, Peter’s sword cut off his ear. Peter got ready
to fight as long as possible before they mobbed him and killed him. But then
Jesus said, “Stop! Peter, put your sword away.” And then He healed the
injured ear. Peter stood, confused, surprised, bewildered, standing still as the crowd swirled around him. Then they were
gone, taking Jesus away, and no one was coming at Peter with a spear. He bolted, ran
away, and then followed from a distance. But then when he tried to blend into
the crowd and get close enough to see what was going on at Jesus’ trial, people
started looking at him, pointing and talking. “You’re one of His followers,
aren’t you?” a girl said. Peter was suddenly terrified. He yelled and cursed
and kept repeating, “No, I don’t know him.” Then, a rooster crowed. At the
same moment, over the heads of the crowd, the soldiers, and everyone else at
the trial, Jesus turned and looked straight at Peter. Peter turned and fled,
groaning and weeping, suddenly seeing the enormous, horrible depth of his
betrayal. As Jesus was beaten and crucified, Peter’s agony grew more
excruciating. He was a coward, a disloyal, false counterfeit.
But then Sunday morning came,
and the breathless run to the empty tomb. A day of unbearable confusion,
wondering, questions. Peter pacing around the room like a man obsessed. And
then that night, there He was. In the room, standing there. The same as before,
and yet more. “Peace be with you,” Jesus said. He looked at each of them in
turn, and for a moment Peter allowed himself to hope that even for him, there might be
peace. He wanted to run to Jesus, to tell Him how sorry he was, to beg
forgiveness. He wanted Jesus to come to him and confront him, rebuke him, even shout at him, but
he also feared it. He stopped, uncertain. And then the evening was over and
Jesus was gone. “Peace be with you,” Jesus had said. Peter had desperately
wanted that peace. But he couldn’t accept that it was for him. Not yet.
The fishing is terrible tonight,
Peter thought. Maybe we’ll find some fish yet, though. He was ashamed that the
others in this boat knew about his denials, but hadn’t been angry. They hadn’t confronted him angrily or even silently avoided him. When he had decided on a night of
solitude on the lake, he had half wondered if they would be relieved to be rid
of him for the night. But then they had all come along. Even Thomas, who had
received the forgiveness and reconciliation that Peter wanted so badly. Peter
noticed suddenly that the sky was getting lighter in the east, and the breeze
was dying as they sailed slowly along parallel to the shore, a few hundred
yards away. Dawn was coming, and not a single fish to show for a night’s work.
He straightened and stretched, realizing how weary he was.
Peter watched the shore slide
past in the growing light, dim shapes materializing into trees, rocks, shrubs.
Suddenly he realized there was a man standing on the shore, watching them. He
turned and saw John, stopped in the act of pulling in a net, looking at the
man as well. Then they were all staring at the figure on the shore, waiting
for something. The man spoke. “My friends, have you caught any fish?” He
called.
They glanced at each other, their nets trailing idly down the left side
of the boat, and then James found his voice. “No,” he said, a question in his voice.
Then the man on the shore said
the oddest thing. “Throw your net on the right side of the boat, and you’ll get
plenty of fish!”
James glanced sharply back at Peter, who shrugged. With a
self-conscious grin, James pulled up the largest net and began to gather it up.
Peter and John dropped their gear and moved beside him. They cast the net, the
same motion as hundreds of times before that night. The ropes ran out through
their hands, and they began drawing it in. Peter knew immediately something was
different. There was a resistance, then a weight, then a living, bucking, wild
tension on the ropes. They braced and pulled hard, looking at each other with expressions that shared the surreality of the moment. Thomas and the others jumped up to help. They pulled together, but
Peter stopped them. “We’ll have to drag it to shore,” he said. “It might tear otherwise.”
John suddenly spun and stared at
the man on the shore. His eyes wide, he looked at Peter. “It’s the Lord!” he
said, his voice tight with excitement. Peter dropped his hold on the net, and
the boat lurched. James chuckled and braced himself for the added weight.
Gazing at the shore, Peter grabbed his cloak, pulled it on, and on a sudden
impulse he ran the length of the boat and dove into the chilly water. John and
Thomas yelled, and James and the others were laughing. Peter swam strongly,
straight toward the man on shore. He came out of the lake, his clothes
streaming water, shivering and splashing through the shallows. He ran up… to
Jesus. They stood for a moment, Peter staring, Jesus smiling.
Then Jesus turned
and walked to a campfire. There was fish frying, and bread. The wind changed
and Peter smelled the earthy, delicious smell of breakfast. He suddenly
realized he was starving. The boat pulled up to the shore, the other disciples
shouting and laughing, straining to pull the net out of the water, counting all
the huge fish in the net. “Bring some of those fish!” Jesus called. Peter
remembered his manners enough to go help pull the net in. Jesus tended the fire
and then called, “Now come and have some breakfast!” They all came, grinning
and nodding, tired but happy.
Jesus served them fish and bread. They talked a
bit at first, but mostly they sat there and ate with the contentment that men
share eating a well-earned meal around a campfire. Thomas smiled to himself,
thinking, everything tastes better cooked over a campfire, and when it’s cooked
by the Son of God, it’s unbeatable.
After breakfast, Jesus came
to Peter. He sat beside him and looked at him. Peter was apprehensive. Jesus
looked at him, and then said, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than
these?”
James, sitting across from them,
wondered what the “more than these” part meant. Was Jesus asking if Peter loved
Him more than he loved the fish? No,
that was too weird. Did Jesus mean to ask Peter if his love was greater than
the other disciples’ love for Jesus? Whatever He meant, Peter seemed to
understand what He was asking.
Peter’s voice was tight with emotion and he
said, “Yes, Lord, You know I love You.”
“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus
said.
Peter thought he understood. Jesus was giving him a commission. He was to
care for the new group of people who were coming to believe in Jesus. Peter
would do it. He would give it his all. There was still the cloud of his shame,
but Jesus was giving him a job to do anyway. It was his chance to prove
himself.
But then Jesus looked at him
again, and asked again, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”
He had Peter’s
full attention now. Peter looked him in the eye, and thought, He wants me to be
totally sure. “Yes, Lord,” he said, “You know I love You.”
“Then take care of my sheep,”
Jesus said.
Peter knew then that his responsibility would be to care for all of
Jesus’ followers to the best of his ability. It was an overwhelming task, but
Peter would do it. He would give it his all. He would prove himself.
But then Jesus asked him
quietly, a third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”
Peter’s eyes filled
with tears. His shame came crashing down. His denials came back in full force.
He felt the anguish of that night again. He cried bitterly for a few minutes,
wondering if he really could say that he loved Jesus, when he had
turned away from Him. But Peter realized that whatever awful things could be truthfully
said about him, he couldn’t help loving Jesus. There was no life for Peter
outside of loving Jesus. He knew he wasn’t good enough to love Jesus and would
never be, but he couldn’t help it. He spread out his hands in a helpless
gesture. “Lord, you know everything,” he
said finally, his voice trembling. “You know I love You.”
Jesus reached out and gripped
his shoulder. His voice was warm as He smiled and said, “Then feed my sheep.”
He looked into Peter's eyes. “The truth is, when you were
young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever
you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and
others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.”
Peter
understood. This was a passage from selfishness to selflessness. Jesus was
warning him that he would eventually have to give his life for the sake of
Christ. But Peter’s joy was surging in spite of the sobering words. The cloud
was gone. He was looking into the eyes of his friend, his savior, his Lord, and
he was loved and forgiven.
Peter didn’t know what to do or
say then, so he resorted to his old habit of running his mouth before he could
stop himself. He looked at John, who was smiling like an idiot. Peter asked
Jesus, “What about him, Lord?”
Jesus raised an eyebrow. “If I
want John to stay alive until I return, what is that to you?” He pointed at Peter and said, smiling, “You follow me.”
Peter
ducked his head, embarrassed. But his heart was warm, even in the cool breeze.
The
sun was up now, orange in the eastern hills. The men cleaned up the last bits
of breakfast, and then got to work on their fish.
___________________________________________
This is the end of the story for Thomas in the Scriptures. Tradition says that after the Jewish diaspora he traveled east, sailing down the Red Sea and eventually to the West coast of India. There in India there are several ancient Orthodox churches which trace their lineage back to the work of the Apostle Thomas. He followed Jesus anywhere, everywhere, forever, and was martyred near Madras, India, killed by a lance.
John preached in Jerusalem, in Asia Minor, and other places. He also wrote one of the four Gospels and three Biblical epistles. Under Nero or Domitian he was exiled to Patmos. There he became the Revelator, and was allowed to see a vision of Jesus at the end of time making "all things new."
Peter led the early church, first from Jerusalem and then from Rome, until his martyrdom. The Acts of the Apostles records much of his early leadership of the church. He wrote the two epistles that bear his name, and probably served as a major source for Mark's writing of his Gospel. He was crucified in Rome under Nero's rule. One tradition has it that he asked to be crucified upside down because he was not worthy to share the same death as Jesus. Whether this is true or not, his death by crucifixion fulfilled Jesus' prediction: "...you will stretch out your hands, and others will take you where you don't want to go."