On Religious Conservatism and My Own Silliness

Last week, I attended the annual Ministers' Conference of the Churches of God (Holiness). Most readers of this blog will know what that is. Those who don't will invariably first ask, "Why is the 'Holiness' in parentheses?" Well, it's a long story, and a convoluted one. But my favorite short version of the story is that there were two churches in one town called the Church of God. One was known for the integrity and uprightness of its members. The church paid its bills. The other church was known for continually being in arrears on all manner of financial obligations, among other problems. The church that paid bills wanted to avoid being confused with the one that did not. Therefore, they attached the parenthetical word to the end of their name, and the tradition spread. According to my best sources this story isn't very accurate, but it's my favorite. I've never been one to let a little thing like accuracy or truth stand in the way of a good story.

Being raised in a Church of God (Holiness) church was a very good experience for me on the whole. The Gregory Hills COGH in Kansas City was the place I attended for the first twenty three years of my life straight. I was fortunate enough to have great pastors, and there were no ugly church splits or other church tragedies until shortly before I left.

The COGH has a tradition of very careful conservatism in matters of doctrine, and also in matters of external appearance like clothing, hair, makeup, and jewelry. Until very recently, pastors in the Churches of God (Holiness) who wore wedding rings were frowned on severely. If they wore shorts or even short-sleeved shirts, they were risking censure. If their wives cut their hair (even a trim) or wore pants (instead of skirts and dresses) or jewelry of any kind, they generally weren't kicked out (the governmental structure of the movement makes such a disciplinary move quite difficult). But such a pastor would be marginalized and never elected to any position of influence.

When I was small, I'm sure my parents tried to teach me the Scriptural principles behind these rules. I know they must have told me that part of the reason we followed the rules was that modesty was very important. They probably told me that we followed some of the rules just out of respect for others in our church. But as a kid I never listened very well, and when you're a kid everything is pretty black and white. When a lady from our church who babysat me occasionally started cutting her hair and wearing pants occasionally, I cried because I thought she was going to go to hell.

Many of my generation appreciate very much the conservatism in matters of doctrine, but not so much the "dress code." A good number of my generation can't even see the good in the doctrine because the dress code is so irksome to them. I think this is a shame, but I see where they're coming from.

When I was in high school, I realized something. The rules against jewelry and against women cutting their hair came from a few passages in I Timothy and I Peter. I Timothy 2:9 - "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes..." I Peter 3:3 - "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes." The injunction against women cutting their hair comes from a somewhat convoluted interpretation of I Corinthians 11:3-15. Look it up if you're curious, but you'll be confused unless you come from the same background I do. So what was the realization I came to in high school? Did you notice that in the two verses I quoted above, there was a phrase about braided hair? Yet in our churches, the most conservative families let their daughters run around with braided hair. Hmmm... And sometimes it was elaborate, crazy braiding. The inconsistency will at once appear to the alert reader. And the inconsistencies didn't end there. They were everywhere. And as a cynical high school student with an inflated sense of my own intelligence and importance, I began to raise a stink about it, just like so many before me and after me have done.

Since then I've gotten a bit of perspective. I realize that ten years from now, I will probably again have an entirely different view of all this, but this is where I am right now. I've realized that no matter the religious tradition - "conservative" or otherwise - there is this tension of the establishment versus the coming-of-age. And this is a universal issue that occurs not just in religious circles, but in life in general. It's part of being human.

I've also realized that the tendency to turn personal preference and tradition into a sacred dogma is universal as well.

There are many versions of the story of the young woman who cooked her first beef roast and nervously served it to her mother. Her mother complimented the dish, to the daughter's relief. "Oh, mom," she gushed, "I'm so glad it came out right. I even remembered to cut off the ends before I put it in the pan, just like you always did."

The mother looked confused for a minute "Honey," said the mother, "that was because our roasting pan was too small - I cut off the ends to make it fit."

That's our natural tendency - even teenagers do it. There's a new drama teacher at the public high school here in El Dorado, and I've heard some of the teens - in particular one whose first year in drama was last year, commenting on how "Mr. Wells always did it THIS way." (Mr. Wells is the previous teacher.) And recently one of the college students who graduated from our youth group two years ago returned and visited youth group. He was disturbed by how we were doing things differently now, and grieved that we didn't have a youth center now. He said commiseratingly, "I hope things get back to the way they were soon." He didn't realize that we now have a youth group that in most ways is as strong as any we had when he was in high school. It was different, and traditions (even traditions only a year or two old) die very hard.

I'm guilty of this myself. If someone proposes an idea for a new way to do something, I'm quick to jump in and explain that "this is how we've done this before." If they fail to see the superiority of the current procedures, I'm often a bit miffed.

So I suppose I understand a bit better now why some of the COGH traditions continue, even though I confess I don't see much justification for them. It is true that many of the early COGH people were some of the most completely dedicated and devoted followers of Christ I've ever heard or read about. And many of those who are even now careful to maintain the old standards are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet.

I guess my conclusion from all this is that I need to be a bit less impatient with people who adhere to standards that at first seem a bit ridiculous to me. It's sometimes difficult to know how to be respectful without being hypocritical, though. And I get into these ridiculous moral dilemmas that shouldn't even be an issue.

For example, when Cindy and I serve as team sponsors at Harmony Hill Youth Camp (the COGH camp), we take off our wedding rings because they ask us to do so, and we're happy to comply. However, when I was at the Minister's Conference last week, I wasn't quite sure what to do. Several of those present still think wedding rings are unscriptural, and would probably be somewhat offended by my wearing one at such a conference. So I took off my wedding ring for the duration. I know most of you reading this are shaking your heads in disbelief. "THAT'S your moral dilemma???" you shriek. "You obviously haven't dealt with much in the moral dilemma line, then. What's wrong with you?" you continue disgustedly. "It doesn't even remotely matter!"

I know, I know. In fact, I think I was probably being a bit hypocritical and perhaps just trying to overcome a bit of a perceived prejudice against me in that group. I'm not analyzing anyone else's motives for such things, but I think mine were not quite in the right place.

My perception of the ministers present at the conference is that some of them see me as the personification of all that is wrong with the younger ministers of the COGH. Some of them think I've singlehandedly ushered the youth of our churches into condoning and even enjoying "worldly" contemporary music. This is a misconception. It also gives me far too much credit. But I think that my perception of the general opinion of me at the conference intimidated me. I did something silly and weak in an attempt to compensate. And what's more, I spent a lot of time and energy stewing about it, when almost every day I talk to teenagers whose moral dilemmas are very real and on much more important things than this.

Why I felt the need to vent about this here in this blog I'm not sure. An urge to confess, perhaps.

In more cheerful news, Cindy and I just bought our first house (we've been renting until now). We closed yesterday. We're moving this weekend. My next post will be a more cheerful writeup of said house. With pictures. Anybody want to volunteer your panel truck?

Musings of a Wannabe Rock Star, One Year Later

This entry won't be particularly deep, entertaining, or funny. Just some stuff I've been thinking about.

This month marks one year since the members of the band Uncommonsense parted ways (amicably), and the only time we've all been together since was for Jonathan's wedding. I wrote about this briefly just after it happened here. From the outside, it was the same story that happens to the vast majority of the bands out there. Band forms, band breaks up. Band replaces personnel. Band plays some gigs. Band breaks up. Band re-forms with a few personnel changes and perhaps a new name. Band finally gels a bit and gets some momentum going. Band breaks up. Band re-forms again. This time it really seems to work, and band buys a van and a trailer full of gear and hits the road. Band plays all over the country, to large crowds occasionally, but more often to tiny crowds in cramped venues. Band records a solid project, footing the bill themselves. Band sees some major label interest, but nothing definite. Band signs to an indie label of dubious parentage. Band tours some more, building a fan base. Then the band comes to that critical point where they either have to quit their day jobs and take a huge gamble on this thing, or do something else. Band decides to go their separate ways.

From the outside, that's what happened to us. We did all the above things. We played in churches, at camps and retreats, at summer music festivals, in coffeehouses, in Kemper Arena once, and even in bars and clubs. (I've prayed with several drunk guys, unsure whether they would remember it the next day.) A very common story. In our case, the uncommon (hee!) part of the story was what was less visible.

One less-visible thing was the bond, musically and personally, that the members of Uncommonsense had. Musically, we were very tight. We made lots of musical mistakes, but we had a feel for each other on stage that is hard to find. We could glance at each other and change the plan on the fly. We listened to each other and played as a band, not as a collection of would-be soloists. Personally, we were real friends. We were accountable to each other. We shared our lives. We fought at times, like brothers do. But we were friends.

The other thing that was less visible was the set of goals the band had. A disclaimer here: we were, of course, trying to make money with this band. Some bands claim that they're not trying to do that. They're either lying or already have a vast store of wealth. Or they only last a month. You have to make enough money to keep going. We made enough, just barely. All of that money went back into keeping the band going - it wasn't a financially profitable venture at all. But making money wasn't the main goal. Chris (the bass player and my best friend) and I felt that we accomplished two very important goals with Uncommonsense.

The first was that we were successful in serving youth pastors across the country. When we decided to call it quits, we got several really nice e-mails from youth pastors saying how much they appreciated what we had done.

The second was that we played until the guys who had no backup plan (Jonathan and Grant and Victor) had a good shot at making it on their own. Jonathan will make (and is making) a living playing the drums - in fact he would probably be doing just that whether or not he had ever been in Uncommonsense. The boy can play. Grant came to the band as a decently good rhythm guitarist, and became an artist and a gifted worship leader (those are two very different things, in case you didn't know that). He's doing well on his own too. Victor can flat out sing. He can do rock, soul, R&B, or whatever. He'll make his living doing music as well. The rest of us had backup plans. Lance (the previous drummer) is a plumber, and plays drums for his church. Chris is a very successful realtor, and leads worship in the same church worship band. I'm a youth minister in El Dorado Springs.

Now here's the kicker and the whole reason for this post: I have to confess that sometimes when I'm playing music with the youth group band here in El Dorado Springs, I'm still a wannabe rock star. It's embarrassing to admit - I'm almost thirty years old and I'm still stuck on that. I know that my current job really does more to contribute to the lives of students than any band does. I'm aware of how fortunate I am to have the privilege of serving at this church. It isn't a perfect church - not by a long shot - but by God's grace we've so far been free of most of the church-splitting conflicts and moral deficits in leadership that have plagued many churches. I love my job. But in some sense there's a part of me that still wants to be a fighter pilot or captain of a frigate in the British Navy in Lord Nelson's day or a Navy Seal or Aragorn. That same part of me still wants to be a rock star.

I know the reason I still want to do/be all those things is that God has "set eternity in our hearts." We're made to yearn for the epic of His making creation right again. And this yearning makes us desire something larger than the humdrum. I think my problem is that sometimes I don't realize the epic nature of the struggle that is cleverly disguised in the humdrum. As one who spends my days ostensibly ministering to and discipling teenagers through the impossibilities of adolescence, I know that God is calling me to take some risks I hesitate to take. It's easy to run a snappy-looking youth ministry program. I've sort of figured out how to get students to show up in decent numbers and have a good time while they're there. I can run a program that looks good to the parents and the church board - solid numbers, "good kids," and the like. But the risks come when I try to lead these students to be more than "good kids," when I try to reach the "bad kids," and when I abandon the easy route of snappy programming for the much more difficult route of dependence on God's leading and focusing on connecting students with people who will pour their lives into those students and ultimately connecting those students with a God who won't be content with leaving them the way they are. I truly believe that doing this takes much more courage than standing on a stage in front of thousands. I also believe it's more difficult. Playing music to entertain a crowd or even to move them to action is difficult, but making a long-term difference in someone's life is excruciating. If someone in the crowd doesn't like what you're doing, there are hundreds or thousands of others in the crowd who are easier to please. Even if the whole crowd boos, there are other crowds. But living in relationship with someone, risking that they will reject that relationship (and perhaps even reject their faith) is a different matter entirely. Ever wonder why so many performers - even Christian performers - have messed-up relationships? Part of it is that the relationship with the crowd is so much easier, and it's tempting to substitute that easier relationship for the harder work of an ongoing personal relationship. I know that my work as a youth minister is ultimately going to make a much bigger difference in the lives of these students than the boys from Pillar or Relient K or Grits or even Fallout Boy or Green Day or the Black Eyed Peas will. (Nothing against those bands - fine musicians all.) I'm a big admirer of Bono from U2. I know it's cliche right now for youth pastors to be Bono fans... I'm still a fan. Bono (and other musicians who have used their various platforms to speak out on issues political or otherwise) has taken a lot of criticism from all points of the political and religious compass for his outspoken stance on gun control, poverty, and other issues. Again, this is so cliche it almost makes me ill to write it, but the reason I admire Bono is that he hasn't backed off from the controversy and he's actually brought about a great amount of cooperation from unlikely partners in trying to solve some of the world's problems. But here's the thing - I have an opportunity to impact the lives of these students in a way that even Bono never can.

So even though in some ways I'm still a wannabe rock star, I'm realizing that the rock star, the fighter pilot, the frigate captain, the mysterious ranger fighting for the realm of which he is heir to the throne - all those aspirations were placed in my heart for a really really good reason. I pray that God will give me the grace to live up to that Reason.

I welcome your thoughts.